Zach Funny

Zachary Adams Klingensmith home from the hospital last October.
That's a phone charger because I didn't t understand the basic of babyproofing,
yet they let me bring him home. 
My baby is awesome. So are his dad, my stepkids and in-laws. This new life is void of toxic assholery.

As grateful as I am, this came at a cost.  Before Jason (my betrothed) came along in late 2016, my mom died of ovarian cancer. She was essentially my partner in that we did all the things together that one generally wants a partner for. Movies, traveling, dining out, and so on. She also loved me very much and was the muse for most of my comedic writing.

After she passed, I felt very detached from life.  I had no parents, no spouse, no kids, no pets, and no house ferns. Without being tied to anyone, I felt like I was going to float away. At the time I was seeing a guy who seemed nice and supportive, but ended up being such a psychopath, I told him not to contact me again until he made an appointment with a therapist. When he replied, it felt like such relief to follow through with my boundary and block and erase him from my life.

That ordeal lead me to message my friend Jason on Twitter. He played my hashtag games and saw a tweet that mentioned that I'm an Orthodox Christian. He messaged me telling me that he is too, and then from time to time we would check in and chat. On Thanksgiving, we started messaging daily, which lead to FaceTime, which lead to us deciding to marry and start a family. We took the no bullshit path to courtship because, as my mom would say, I'm no spring chicken.

Since he lives in Pittsburgh, we arranged for him to fly out to Portland on February 11th, which according to my ultrasound was probably the day I got pregnant. All of this happened so fast, I'm aware. Yet our home is filled with love and laughter, albeit way too often at my expense. Jason is the funny one at home, and I can't help but wonder if this is my comeuppance for making fun on my mom on my blog for years.

Seeing the pregnancy test turn pink was the happiest moment in my life. Now I suddenly had a family again and people to take care of and love. Ideally, we would have gotten hitched first, but time isn't on my side for having healthy babies. Since it's probably the only wedding either of us will have, we want to save up and do it right, not rush it.
Besides, it's not like Jason is going anywhere. I've ruined him for all other women with my own awesomeness.