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Showing posts from September, 2021

The Mean-ager

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(His shirt says “Kind people are my kinda people.”) We went to a park and two boys and a girl, all about 13 years old, were sitting and chatting in front of the entrance to the slide, subsequently blocking it from my son. I told Zach to ask them politely if he can use it. He ran up, pointed, and asked if he could use the slide. The girl didn’t fully understand toddler English, and replied patronizingly, “Yeah, a slide!” The boys did and started getting up for him, to which she snapped, “I’m not getting up!”From the ground, I yelled up to them, “I told him to ask nicely.” She was huffy, but did. Zach and I thanked them, and the boys smiled and gave a hearty, “Yeah, no problem!” and the visibly irritated (and extremely pretty) girl sat back down.  Now when a woman becomes a mother, she develops the superpower to destroy a girl down to her essence. As soon as they hand us our beautiful newborn daughters, we suddenly have the ability to plant seeds of shame and can water them throughou

Hope You Like Your Birthday Hooker

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Near where my husband grew up, a new business appeared a few doors down from one of his favorite pizza shops. It claimed to be a massage parlor, but I told Jason, “That’s clearly a rub-n-tug.” He was skeptical, but upon inspection, did think it was odd that they were open until 11pm, and the only way to get in was by calling the number from the Post-It note on the front door.  I looked them up on a site that lists local massage parlors offering “extra” services, and sure enough, there it was. In fact, dozens of them were listed, and while reading the reviews, I suddenly realized that my mom accidentally sent me to one on my 25th birthday.  Upon reflection, they weren’t even trying to disguise it. This place was in Beaverton, Oregon and advertised as an “Asian spa”. I had never had a salt scrub added to a massage before, so I assumed side boobs and inner thighs were part of it. As far as her “thoroughness”, I reasoned that she should be lauded, not criticized, for going above and beyond