I'm sick of not getting a complimentary flower on Mother's Day. What about the women who couldn't get a husband if their lives depended on it? Where are our flowers? Where are our anniversary presents of jewelry and romantic vacation packages? In the past, I would have just said, "Up my butt with a coconut." But, ever since I turned thirty-five, I've decided that I'm a grown up and can do whatever I want. So I told my BFF that from now on, we are celebrating Spinster Day. How exactly do we celebrate Spinster Day? By doing whatever we damn well please! (And cursing while doing it.) Happy Spinster Day, buttasses! Because we can, suckers!