July 10, 2015
I scoured through hundreds of men on Tinder and hand selected a few for dates. Despite many of their profiles saying otherwise, all of them made it very clear that they weren't interested in a relationship... which was completely unnecessary, especially for the ones who told me this in my living room. Here is the view from my futon:
As a Mother's Day present, I put a profile up for a month on Tinder. For those of you new to the thirty-five year old boundary war between me and my mother (hi mom! I love you!), here is an excerpt from my very first post on this site from six years ago, titled "Ten Minutes of Conversation with Mom on the Patio While Trying to Write".
Me: Why do you assume I'll never find love?
Mom: I think you should-that's the point! I think a guy should love you and see how wonderful you are! Get the damn dog off me.
That was back when I was just a naive, twenty-nine year old kid. I had my whole life ahead of me.
|Me at 29. Just a whippersnapper, full of dreams.|
Now I'm a washed up thirty-five year old hag with dusty ovaries and saggy boobies. Sometimes if I shake my head really fast, I can see jowls.