Showing posts from September 2, 2015

On My Knees: Part 3

On a dark evening in 2003, Andy and I were at my mom's who wanted me to bring books downstairs.  She kept piling them in my arms until I couldn't see ahead, and I played my usual game of " One Trip Adams "  T he light was burnt out above the stairs to the den, and I tore my ACL for the second time on my (unsurprising) fall down them.  Since I didn't have medical insurance, I just ignored it. Have you also noticed how gross the human body is?  Like a big bag of smelly goo. After twelve years, I am finally getting it repaired again.  My goal is to be able to run from serial killers, or at least dazzle them beforehand while trying to tap dance in Morse Code.      

On My Knees: Part 2

Technically, I'm bionic.   My special skill is early-onset arthritis. There are metal screws in my right knee from surgery twenty years ago.   The tear originated in an ill-fated game of floor hockey in seventh grade gym class.   I was playing defense, went in get the puck, and was suddenly sitting on colored lines and floor wax.  The first thing I tried to do was get back up and keep playing and to my surprise, my knee wasn't working.  All it did was buckle until the gym teacher finally told me to stay down.   Katt in middle school, quietly growing boobs. A couple kids helped me to the office, which I found embarrassing because in 1993, I was the heaviest kid in the class at a whopping 144lbs.   I waited in the office while the staff tried to locate my parents, who must have had a sneaking suspicion that I would need them that day, then laughed maniacally while toasting to my neglect.  Finally the secretary sighed and called my emergency contact, who c