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November 30, 2018

The List of the Magi

I'm driving Jason nuts because he wants to know what I want for Christmas, and I have no idea. All he wants is to buy me what I like and see my joyous expression when I open it, and somehow that's asking too much. Instead, I gave him a shopping list with things on it like serving bowls and silver polish, and then made another one of my general interests, which included tropical vacations and British mysteries. Last year, I wrote down what my heart truly desires, and handed him a list of chores. He requested that I refrain from being passive-aggressive this year.
Christmas 2017
My main obstacle is that we share finances, so I can't exactly ask that he spend money on me. Then if he comes home one day with a Truckasaurus parked outside, I won't have the leverage to tell him to return it. Then there is the baby issue. There's no point in wanting anything breakable for the next few years. Everything expensive is currently stacked on the highest shelves.

However, Jason's main obstacle is that not even the safe bets work on me. Earlier, he pointed out that every woman likes bath bombs and lotions except for me. I told him they imply that I stink and have lizard skin. Also, I'm no longer just a woman; I'm a mother. My priorities and needs have changed drastically. Before Zach, I could indulge in luxury, like baths longer than six minutes. I could treat myself because I remembered that I existed. Now what I long for is the nanny from Nanny 911 to come work for free and be willing to sleep in a walk-in closet.
I told Zach Santa isn't coming because his tantrums killed him.

November 3, 2018

Hallowiener

Decisions are so much easier to make now that I'm with Jason. I try to pick what he likes because not only might it make him happy, it spares me from having to spend days stressing over the unimportant things. No matter how mundane the decision, I am obsessed with finding a way to make everyone happy. Then I spend the rest of the time telling people that they can't make everyone happy and to stop stressing about it.

It's true though. There will always be that person who doesn't like a certain food no matter how it's prepared. With kids, it's easier to deal with. You don't like eggs? Then you can't have cookies. They have eggs in them. Grownups are less flexible. They need to be shamed for being uncultured. Unfortunately, there are also people who are proud to be xenophobic and have no problem rudely refusing a meal if it's not staring some kind of meat dish. Then there are the people who, no matter what, say, "It would have been better with..." As I said, it's impossible to please everyone, and some people make sure of it. 

If it truly matters to me, I speak up, like insisting that Jason watch Call the Midwife with me. He did, which is reason enough to marry him. Since then, I usually let him pick what we watch. The only thing I put my foot down about is The Blair Witch Project. Scary movies are too much for me, and just being told the plot of it many years ago gave me nightmares. Jason asks all the time if we can watch it, but I refuse to be worn down. I'm such a wiener that I even got a nightmare from a Halloween episode of Pretty Little Liars. 

So for Halloween, I picked out a lion costume for Zach because it's Jason's favorite animal. In fact, this is why he has been a fan of the Detroit Lions since he was a kid. We brought Zach to the Waterfront mall for trick-or-treating because it was free, easy, and fun. Then I insisted we get in line early for the baby costume contest. It never occurred to me that Zach wouldn't win because Zach is clearly the most perfect baby ever. Then as other contestants arrived, I soon realized that I was out of my depth. One baby was half Zach's size and dressed as a turtle. Two kids were mac n' cheese. There were princesses who looked like contestants on Toddlers and Tiaras. Some had elaborate homemade costumes that their parents had clearly spent all week on. I regretted wasting my time in line instead of getting candy.
The costume came with a zebra to snack on.

Zach without the mane was much happier, albeit less adorable.

Sure enough, when they announced the winners, none of them were Zach. Second place was a radio, but I thought they said "rainbow" and screamed to the girl dressed up as one, "YOU WON!!!" only to be politely corrected by the crowd. The winner was a little girl dressed as an angel on a wagon turned into a cloud of feathers. Her dad was in his army fatigues, clearly to tug their hearts. Well played, soldier. 

Later that night, I put my loser baby in his R2-D2 pajamas. I'm going to try and find him a pair every year because his first Halloween costume was R2-D2. 
2 Weeks Old
One Year and Two Weks Old