Heh...I'm a Card.

I used to write Nathan Malachowski "I don't not love you" letters.  They sounded something like this:

Nathan,

I'm not sick of you.  Your presence doesn't make me vomit.  I hope you don't burn to death in a bathhouse fire.  I'm not dreading seeing you again.

Not hate,
Kat

Yeah, I'm a cut up. 

My friend from Iceland has pneumonia so I made him a card:

Specifically, rotten shark.

But my best work was when my BFF got laid off, so I sent her this:

While you're at it, get a haircut!