Thanksgiving is in two days and so I'm working on the e-cards I'm going to write.  

Here are a few:

*Remember when I told you that your holiday plans were bullshit?  Apparently God agreed.  Get well soon!

*My people thank you for the firewater and syphilis.  Enjoy the maize!  
*Thank you in advance for preparing, cooking, cleaning up, and bitterly complaining about it until Christmas.  

*I appreciate you coming to town for a holiday that I'm not obligated to buy you a present for.  

That's all I've got so far...