Pissed Pissedofferson
Here is a list of things to never, ever say to people:
To the heartbroken:
-You'll meet someone! (Really, you know this? You're a clairvoyant elder? Then tell me when.)
-What a jerk! (Umm...there's probably a reason why there's heartache and not cheering.)
-You have plenty of time! (Perhaps on your timeline).
To the grieving:
-It'll be okay! (REALLY???? FANTASTIC!!)
-It could've been worse...(It also could've been better.)
-So and so has it worse. (Now I have two sads.)
To those commenting on me watching Saturday Night Live:
- ...not like back when it was good!
Thoughtless Things People Have Actually Said to Me
-When I was too stressed and lost a lot of weight: "Just 10 more pounds to go!"
-When I got lithium poisoning: "You're looking great! Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"
-When I got down to my healthy, natural weight: "So you have about 30lbs left to lose?"
Left-Wing Celebrities
-Bruce Springsteen
-Kris Kristofferson
-Paul Newman (awww...)
-Brad Pitt
-Al Gore (I still think you're dreamy.)
-Tom Hanks
Right-Wing Celebrities
-The Rock
-Larry-the-Cable-Guy
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
-Tobey Keith
-Jessica Simpson
-Mel Gibson
I'll let you think that over...