Full of Hot, Filtered Water
People get on my case for not having a "filter" when, indeed, I do have one. What am I NOT saying? Mostly it's just correcting people in my head and making zingers that would shame both of us if said out loud.
Here is some stuff I choked back in the past:
*Turtles don't give birth, you idiot- they leg eggs. If it gave birth, it'd have, like, 200 nipples.
*You're not deaf. I know this because that is not sign language. That is you flapping your hands around pretending you're signing. It's about as similar as me pressing a doorbell and saying I'm speaking Vietnamese.
*You're not deaf. I know this because that is not sign language. That is you flapping your hands around pretending you're signing. It's about as similar as me pressing a doorbell and saying I'm speaking Vietnamese.
*Your stories now have officially contradicted each other. So which time were you lying?
*Yes you said it, and yes it was mean. I don't need to defend myself, and if you want hallucinations instead of memories, be my guest, but I'm not going to reason with them.
*It's "between you and me" not "between you and I"! "Between" is a preposition! Would you say "between we"?
* Voluptuous means "sexually arousing" or something, not fat. And voluptuous was the word you meant when you said, "valumptuous".
*I think you keep harping on me to work out because you think I need to lose weight. No one cares about someone else's health that much.
*Of course he's gay! It's not homophobic to call someone gay if he's actually gay. Some people don't have to come out of the closet because they never went in.
*That's not quantum physics. That's stuff that sounds like quantum physics so you can get laid.
*Copyright Kathleen Adams 2007. Now stop stealing my jokes.
*She's not brilliant- she's quoting NOVA from last night.
*You can't punish me by ignoring me when I personally can't stand you.
*That's not your IQ and I can prove it because that's my IQ which makes you an idiot for thinking I'd believe you.
*You are not laughing out loud. I can hear you in the next room- no laughter.
*There are so many things wrong with what you just said. I'm going to start by correcting your grammar then end with exposing your ignorance.
*Milo couldn't have impregnated your cat because Milo is a tortoise shell. Tortoise shells are female. It's a recessive gene that needs two "x" chromosomes in order to manifest...Milo is fixed.