Freshest Catch of the Day!

Since two friends of me who are both awesome and attractive have profiles on matchmaking websites, I wondered, "Was I a jerk in assuming that all lonely single people are ugly losers?"  This sparked my curiosity and I had to look.   
     In order to view people, I had to make a profile and they insisted on a snazzy headline.  Since I'm not looking for a good time or the gun show,  I racked my brain for something repulsive.  For extra measure, I added the picture of me eating cheesecake in the morning.  
     They ended up turning down my profile even though my winning headline was, "Wanna Live With A Mother-In-Law?".
     Now I have a dream of creating a bunch of profiles with different horrible headlines to see what kind of weirdos would be interested.  Here are some of my ideas:

* It's The Middle Of The Afternoon And I'm Still In My Bathrobe.
* I'm On Meds I Shouldn't Get Pregnant On.
* I'm Crying While Typing This.
* I Like To Correct People.
* I'm Not Into Lesbian Stuff.
* My Eggs Are Getting Dusty.
* I Feel Sorry For Myself For Being Almost Thirty And Single.
* I Miss Smoking Dope.
* I'll Probably Get Fat Someday.
* I'm Not A Psycho- Otherwise They Wouldn't Have Released Me.
* I'm Not A Fan Of Daily Showers.
* No Fornicators Please.
* I Complain About My Weight, Like, A Lot.
* I Don't Drink But My Standards Are Still Surprisingly Low.
* I Thrive On Male Attention.

Come to think of it, it was the middle of the afternoon when I wrote that, and I was still in the purple bathrobe...oh hell.