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December 22, 2010

Ten Things That Would Scare Me

1.)  If a snake climbed out of the toilet and bit me in the lady parts. 


2.)  If someone spiked my drink.


3.)  If I found out that my mom and dad were actually brother and sister.  Or sister and uncle.  Or some incestual variation that didn't come with royal inheritance.


4.)  If a dead person climbed out of the casket and started singing, "Hello my baby!  Hello my honey!  Hello my ragtime gal..."


5.)  If someone replaced my butter with a butter substitute and tried to make a dated joke about it without involving Fabio. 


6.)  If robbers broke into the house and the dog bit them instead of my sister. (You read that correctly).


7.)  If the dog's hair was actually a fur coat, and he worked late into the night as a pimp.  


8.)  If it snowed yellow snow and when people peed, it made a white spot.


9.)  If my mom started borrowing my clothes.


10.)  If my snow village came to life and made a miniature town of my life called, "Katmandoodie".