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November 3, 2010

Unnecessary Spoiler Alerts

I did some research.  Turns out Marilyn Monroe was NOT a size 14.  She was 5'5" with a 22" waist and weighed roughly 120lbs most of her career.   At her heaviest she got up to about 140lbs and was a size 10.  


Also, 


The "blue" in blue cheese is mold 


The cuter and more mistreated an animal is, the better it tastes.


The Tooth-Fairy doesn't exist but rather alternated between Sam and Linda Adams in the 1980s.


Your toy dog is probably annoying.


Rollerblades were never cool.


Smoking is awesome.


Making lemonade only encourages life to give you more lemons.


Jesus hung out with hookers and thieves, so He probably can handle you yelling, "God damn!" when you stub your toe.  


When my new Indian tribal card comes in the mail, I will henceforth refer to most of you as "white man". 


Guns don't kill people, people who misinterpret the constitution do.   


While I love my Orthodox brothers and sisters, I don't entirely trust the ethnicities their churches are associated with.  


The movie Casablanca is really boring.