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February 22, 2010

Pissed Pissedofferson



Here is a list of things to never, ever say to people:

To the heartbroken:
-You'll meet someone! (Really, you know this?  You're a clairvoyant elder?  Then tell me when.)
-What a jerk!  (Umm...there's probably a reason why there's heartache and not cheering.)
-You have plenty of time!  (Perhaps on your timeline).

To the grieving:
-It'll be okay!  (REALLY????  FANTASTIC!!)
-It could've been worse...(It also could've been better.)
-So and so has it worse.  (Now I have two sads.)

To those commenting on me watching Saturday Night Live:
- ...not like back when it was good!

Thoughtless Things People Have Actually Said to Me
-When I was too stressed and lost a lot of weight: "Just 10 more pounds to go!"
-When I got lithium poisoning: "You're looking great!  Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"
-When I got down to my healthy, natural weight:  "So you have about 30lbs left to lose?"

Left-Wing Celebrities
-Bruce Springsteen
-Kris Kristofferson 
-Paul Newman (awww...)
-Brad Pitt
-Al Gore (I still think you're dreamy.)
-Tom Hanks
Right-Wing Celebrities
-The Rock
-Larry-the-Cable-Guy
-Arnold Schwarzenegger 
-Tobey Keith
-Jessica Simpson
-Mel Gibson

I'll let you think that over...